Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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