Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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