Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
