He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
