did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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