Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
