I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
