I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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