So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
