I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
