I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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