It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
