Say something about gay babies.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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