U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
