enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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