whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
