Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
