Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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