Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Terrible idea I love it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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