he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
