So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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