You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
