Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
