Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
worst night to have a conscience
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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