you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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