I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
