If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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