Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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