She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
