were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
