You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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