my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
