So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
