shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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