Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
