my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
only if we run a train.
done.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
