lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
