Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
