your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
