I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
