would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
