your parents love me but you hate me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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