I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
