Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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