Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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