I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
