I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
