just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
