So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
