There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
