but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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