Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
