i just had sex bonerless
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
