No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
