can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
